Parisian Living

An Empty Nester in Paris

by Sylvia Sabes

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

Philippe Leroyer

To pull from Dr. Seuss, “The time has come, the time is now, Marvin K Mooney, please go. Now!”

This fall, the “baby” of our family will be leaving the nest, flying to higher education in the United Kingdom, and the looming adjustment has once again underlined the cultural variety in our lives.

My American friends send me, “awws” with sad faced emoticons, declaring, “Now you’ll be empty nesters.” My Parisian friends raise their glasses in a toast, asking if I’ll now be joining Mr. French on all his business trips so we can enjoy long weekends across the globe.

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

Claude Attard

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

maéli

In America, the last child leaving home is a common syndrome, a defined illness that leaves parents suffering a lingering malaise. In Paris, it is a time to celebrate a job well done. To be very fair, a quick Google search shows that the syndrome exists in France, too, but it is not part of the national consciousness but merely a vague complaint mentioned by few.

When my first daughter left, my American friends expected me to fall apart. There seemed to be a learned cultural idea that having our kids leave home is a sad thing. I was delighted to discover that instead of loss, I felt the intense elation of someone nominated for an Oscar award. Every time my daughter and I spoke, I found myself reveling in her steps towards independence.

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

Marc Wathieu

Speaking to my American friends, I worried that there was perhaps something wrong with me. Did I not love my daughter enough? Was I lacking in emotional depth? Did I have an attachment disorder? Speaking to my French friends swiftly reassured me. “C’est normal!” they’d exclaim, the understanding being that my nest had not emptied, but merely been filled with new opportunities and adventures. I was expected to join a gym, evolve professionally, embark on romantic adventures with Mr. French. 

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

Groume

Before children are grown, parents in France do not necessarily focus on creating an idyllic childhood. Birthday parties are informal affairs in the park after school, no party favors, no themes, and the gifts are simple. Spankings are legal and may be dealt out publicly in local playgrounds. The impetus is on raising productive adults.

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

Tommy Pixel

In school, there are no bonus points or AP classes to push kids beyond a 4.0 GPA. In France, with a grading system of 1 to 20, earning 12 points is considered honors level on the French Baccalaureat. Scoring 20 earns one a spotlight in the national news, so even the brightest students are constantly reminded they could have done better, should have strived harder. The elite do not go to university to find their passion, they go to a Grande École to prepare for a profession. For better and for worse, parenting in France is less about playtime and activity planning and more about discipline. There is more drudgery, which may be why we tend to be happier as the last ones fly the coop.

French and American Cultural Difference: Empty Nester in Paris

Paul Ingles

As our littlest gets set to take off, I am wary. Will I feel the grief and loneliness that defines the syndrome or will I concentrate on savoring the joy of a job well done and celebrate sending a competent young woman into the world? On verra.

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Written by Sylvia Sabes for the HiP Paris Blog. Looking for a fabulous vacation rental in Paris, London, Provence, or Tuscany? Check out Haven in Paris.

Written By

Sylvia Sabes

Sylvia is thrilled to be a French citizen, living in Paris where she writes ad copy for brands like Cartier, Hermès and L'Oréal while raising two teens and learning to share life with a Frenchman. You can read more of her adventures in Paris and across the globe on her website, Only In Paris. View Website

7 comments on “An Empty Nester in Paris

As each of our four children left home my husband and I were so happy to get to know them as the people they were becoming in adulthood. Visits with them are joyful. We are not lonely and we do not long for them. Perhaps, because of our attitude, they call often just to talk or plan visits with us just because. It is so much fun to see the homes and lives they have created for themselves! In return, I think they enjoy us because we carry on just as we have always done. I am American and my opinion is not shared by most of my friends. I say enjoy and be happy you have done your job well! Congratulations.

Well, we weren’t sad that our children were gone, but we weren’t elated either. It’s just the next natural step in being a parent!

Your job is to raise them to be independent beings and now that your job is finished…it’s YOUR time again. And you can spend that new-found time googling flights to Europe and cool flats with Haven in Paris. 😀

Hi Peter. We do not really have a tips part of the blog. Did you have any specific questions? All the best! -Erica

Wendyrg and Nancy Bowron, thank you for letting me know, we are not alone!

Where do I find the “tips on renting” part of your blog?
Thanks!

Our older son left home just three days ago. I think it’s great. We asked him to postpone his departure by six weeks so he could stay home with his younger brother while hubby and I spent a month in Paris (plus a week in Amsterdam and a week in Berlin). Now, I’m trying to figure out how we can just move to Paris permanently.

So happy to read that I am not alone at being elated the children are gone! Our last daughter, who had moved back home after college, just left on Sunday. No tears at all. In fact, that’s why I found your blog at all – we are hoping to travel as a couple and do fun spontaneous things we haven’t been able to before. Now on to learn French!

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