Dave Bloom
I can already tell I’m going to get into trouble with this post, but I’ve never been afraid to ruffle a few feathers (especially of the French variety), so here goes. As a female ex-pat, living in Paris is no guarantee that you’ll automatically become a local. If you’re not a Parisienne and you want to be, these are the rules.*
1. Cultivate austere beauty. Today’s Parisienne has natural beauty down to an art: very little make-up and a fresh-faced complexion. Hair should be un-“done” (bonus points for bangs and / or a careless ballerina-inspired bun) and brown. With a few rare exceptions, blond hair is a red flag that screams foreign and/or fake. Beware! You want your look to seem unstudied—even though we know it’s not. For inspiration, look no further than Jane Birkin and Jane Birkin 2.0 (her daughter Charlotte Gainsbourg).
2. Don’t smile much. You might be surprised to learn that smiles are, in fact, a limited resource in Paris. They’re not to be wasted on the undeserving, and they play no part in most daily interactions. When deployed, a well-timed smile is a Parisienne’s deadliest weapon, but your default expression should always be set somewhere between deadpan and “subtle scowl.”
3. Nail the “I don’t think so, but I guess if you do…” look. When someone says something you find wrong / distasteful, don’t openly object. Passive judgment is much more effective. Just raise your eyebrows, and look down / sideways to see if anyone else is noticing how absurd the statement was. Note: This is also a good way to establish solidarity with other true Parisiennes in the group, who will undoubtedly be giving the same look.
Lisa Weatherbee
4. Be thin. But not just thin, a particular kind of thin that I like to call “healthy frail.” Other than a few moments spent standing on a mysterious vibrating plate from time to time, Parisiennes don’t really exercise. As a result, they don’t really have muscles, so they’re diminutive but vibrant, waifish but not gaunt. Damn them.
5. Indulge in moderation. Of course, you occasionally have to eat something very small and decadent—a sliver of foie gras, a single macaron—so that you can then talk about how good it is while you subsist on Diet Coke (Coca Light).
6. Look sober, even when you’re not. Unflagging composure is the mark of the Parisienne. Drinking is fine; showing how much you’ve been drinking via sloppy behavior is not. It’s unbecoming; plus, it can lead to gratuitous smiling (see Rule #2). In Paris, visible drunkenness is best left to foreign study-abroad students.
7. Smoke. Instead of eating or drinking, just smoke a lot. It’s sexy, it burns calories, and it’s socially acceptable at any hour of the day or night. (Alternate option: be a non-smoker and act slightly self-righteous about it).
Janelle Mentesana
8. Don’t stay single. It’s not done. Singleness is suspect, and being en couple is much more fashionable (see: The Kooples, a hot new Parisian brand dedicated to couples who wear each other’s clothes. High-concept!). Get a boyfriend, date him, and then eventually, marry him. Then, get a lover—it’s the best way to ensure a happy marriage.
9. Adore New York. Even though you’re a Parisienne through and through, talk about how much you love the “energie” of New York, and vow to live there someday.
Dave Bloom
10. Know where to shop. We all know Parisiennes have an innate sense of chic that can’t be learned, but knowing where to shop can give you a leg up. For the younger set, it’s all about the magical triumvirate—Sandro, Iro, Maje—mixed with pieces from A.P.C. and “It”-designers Isabel Marant and Vanessa Bruno. If you can swing it, take a trip down Avenue Montaigne for some big-ticket items from Chanel, Chloe and Barbara Bui. Your shopping motto should be je ne regrette rien (“I regret nothing”); after all, these are not purchases— they’re investments—and they are your inalienable right. Round out your wardrobe with non-investments from Zara and H&M. Bonus points for vintage items culled from your elegant grandmother’s closet. And if you’re not lucky enough to inherit good taste, fake it by scoring vintage pieces at various depots ventes (consignment stores) around the city.
*Note: These are sweeping generalizations best taken with a large grain of salt (or better yet, fleur de sel).
While living in Paris, I must admit: I didn’t follow a lot of my own advice. As a makeshift Parisienne, you must pick your battles. #10 was no problem, #6 I could manage (usually), #7 didn’t work out, #2 forget it. In retrospect, #2 is a complete Catch-22. How can you live in Paris without smiling? Through my foreign lens, nearly everything is laugh-inducing; I am constantly giving myself away.
Related Links:
- HipParis contributor Badaude’s musings on the Artsy French Woman
- Paris Breakfasts on French Women Don’t Sleep Alone
- Stuff Parisians Life: Foreign Girls (there’s still hope!)
Written by Tory Hoen, for the HiP Paris Blog. Looking for a fabulous vacation rental in Paris, Provence, or Tuscany? Check out Haven in Paris.
A few words about our featured photographers: Janelle Mentesana was born and raised in Australia. She lives and works in Paris as an illustrator, and she enjoys taking pictures of people outside her window with baguettes in their hands. Lisa Weatherbee is a New York based photographer and designer, currently eating and shooting her way through Paris. Dave Bloom is a tepid consultant and aspiring expatriate; born in the Midwest and working his way east via D.C., he is hoping to join Paris for grad school shortly.
WRITTEN BY
Tory Hoen
Tory Henwood Hoen has been published by New York Magazine, Vogue, Condé Nast Traveler, Bon Appétit, Fortune, and others. She was Creative Director of Brand at M.M.LaFleur, where she founded the brand’s digital magazine, The M Dash. Her debut novel, The Arc, is available in bookshops near you and online.
Haha, just moved to Paris and loved this post!
C’est trop vrai!
But I’m always smiling, I’m so happy to be here – it must be why people are always staring at me!! Does anyone know where the best vintage shops are?
x
Hi Leila,
You should check out Kiliwatch, at Etienne Marcel! Also, Thanx God I’m VIP at Jacques Bonsergent. The downstairs (where the real deals are) is only open on the weekends though… Enjoy!
Only just found this blog and absolutely LOVE it! Fun, truth, well written, well observed and quite easy to follow….
I live near Paris for the past two years and can mostly underline every rule here.
Rule 2 about smiling is the one with the most discussions…. not for nothing. That was one of the first things I observed and still question: WHY don’t Parisians not smile?! It enhances every face, makes life more bearable, fills the receiver with happiness and renders the smiler more beautiful…. I DO smile and I think it pays in the end. Some people smile even back – hurrah! And that makes me feel good.
I am not thin, and I am not very fashionable, but I dress well – always did. Another hint: Wear a scarf – AROUND THE NECK NOT OVER YOUR HEAD! In Paris weather and conditions change all the time, it’s ice cold in air-conditioned shops and rooms, hot outside or, the wind is howling and you get the droughts right in your system. It looks and feels SO cool to have a flattering silky or light linen ‘shawl’- you can drag it very fashionably behind you and if it rains, you can even ‘just so’ pile it over your head for a moment or two… 🙂
I am a natural blondine too, or rather WAS… I am an early grey-hound 😉 and I do NOT die my hair blond. Now I get the reaction that people touch my curls and say: You make me want to not die my hair any more… How good does it get?!
Having said that; I would go blond again at the drop of a hat – but my Hero Husband always knew me ‘grey-ish’ and he wouldn’t recognize me in blond or brunette!!! He might think he’s got himself a blond girlfriend, LOL 🙂
LOTS of smilies here… oh dear!
If you’re slim, young and gorgeous, scowling and sneering at people can’t hurt your looks too much, but if you aren’t, a sour expression can rob a plainer, older, fatter woman of what appeal she has. A smile makes people feel good, both the one smiling and those who see it. If you’re not French, you never will be, so why not give it up and rock those differences? Be the girl who has what others lack–blonde hair, a winning smile, and the health and cleanliness that are associated with being a non-smoker.
Great Post. I’m writing a book and the main character must be charismatic so got some great tips here. I also leave for Paris in the morning so hope to do a similar post 🙂
C’est tres jolie-mes la fumer-non non est seulement une macaron-c’est impossible.
These are really funny and for the most part true. However I have found nothing has led me to meet more people and have more success here in Paris than staying just as I am and never trying to be Parisian (with the exception of the language). My favorite compliments are when Parisians tells me to stay just the way I am.
xoxo Bardot in Blue
I adore this post – how very true, everything. And useful! Now, if only I could find a french other. The men in the Marais were very handsome, but perhaps it was my smiling that scared them off?
SWEET INDEED
Merci for these
wonderful petite
french secrets♥
Love this post. Really wish I had written it 🙂
Not sure I agree with #8 although I’m married so I’m probably not one to talk.
Cute post. Avec fleur de sel, naturellement. 😉 The irony is that the Parisienne would think it totally gauche to use a list of rules to look chic. 🙂 And #4 is as hard as #2 living in Paris.
J’adore Paris. I worried before i went there- what to wear and wanting to look fashionable. It was mid June, and many woman were wearing open toe sandals However, I was the only one with a proper pedicure and manicure. ALL the french woman on the metro! I could not believe how disgusting french woman keep there feet! ALL the hype about how fashionable they are, and I was gobsmacked.
Funny – French men keep telling me how much they prefer smiles to the Parisiennes’ eternal scowls. And really now, haven’t you noticed all those fausse blonde French women with their dark roots and eyebrows?
I loved this post! I am so in love with Paris. I need to get back there. I may have too much muscle for them though! ha ha 🙂
AH! I am so happy to have found this blog! What a wonderful excuse I now have to legitimately dream of being in Paris a little bit every day. Confidence-sapping Parisiennes notwithstanding… I will be back again and again – such a good idea and so nicely executed – I love that you have multiple contributors.