Dave Bloom
I can already tell I’m going to get into trouble with this post, but I’ve never been afraid to ruffle a few feathers (especially of the French variety), so here goes. As a female ex-pat, living in Paris is no guarantee that you’ll automatically become a local. If you’re not a Parisienne and you want to be, these are the rules.*
1. Cultivate austere beauty. Today’s Parisienne has natural beauty down to an art: very little make-up and a fresh-faced complexion. Hair should be un-“done” (bonus points for bangs and / or a careless ballerina-inspired bun) and brown. With a few rare exceptions, blond hair is a red flag that screams foreign and/or fake. Beware! You want your look to seem unstudied—even though we know it’s not. For inspiration, look no further than Jane Birkin and Jane Birkin 2.0 (her daughter Charlotte Gainsbourg).
2. Don’t smile much. You might be surprised to learn that smiles are, in fact, a limited resource in Paris. They’re not to be wasted on the undeserving, and they play no part in most daily interactions. When deployed, a well-timed smile is a Parisienne’s deadliest weapon, but your default expression should always be set somewhere between deadpan and “subtle scowl.”
3. Nail the “I don’t think so, but I guess if you do…” look. When someone says something you find wrong / distasteful, don’t openly object. Passive judgment is much more effective. Just raise your eyebrows, and look down / sideways to see if anyone else is noticing how absurd the statement was. Note: This is also a good way to establish solidarity with other true Parisiennes in the group, who will undoubtedly be giving the same look.
Lisa Weatherbee
4. Be thin. But not just thin, a particular kind of thin that I like to call “healthy frail.” Other than a few moments spent standing on a mysterious vibrating plate from time to time, Parisiennes don’t really exercise. As a result, they don’t really have muscles, so they’re diminutive but vibrant, waifish but not gaunt. Damn them.
5. Indulge in moderation. Of course, you occasionally have to eat something very small and decadent—a sliver of foie gras, a single macaron—so that you can then talk about how good it is while you subsist on Diet Coke (Coca Light).
6. Look sober, even when you’re not. Unflagging composure is the mark of the Parisienne. Drinking is fine; showing how much you’ve been drinking via sloppy behavior is not. It’s unbecoming; plus, it can lead to gratuitous smiling (see Rule #2). In Paris, visible drunkenness is best left to foreign study-abroad students.
7. Smoke. Instead of eating or drinking, just smoke a lot. It’s sexy, it burns calories, and it’s socially acceptable at any hour of the day or night. (Alternate option: be a non-smoker and act slightly self-righteous about it).
Janelle Mentesana
8. Don’t stay single. It’s not done. Singleness is suspect, and being en couple is much more fashionable (see: The Kooples, a hot new Parisian brand dedicated to couples who wear each other’s clothes. High-concept!). Get a boyfriend, date him, and then eventually, marry him. Then, get a lover—it’s the best way to ensure a happy marriage.
9. Adore New York. Even though you’re a Parisienne through and through, talk about how much you love the “energie” of New York, and vow to live there someday.
Dave Bloom
10. Know where to shop. We all know Parisiennes have an innate sense of chic that can’t be learned, but knowing where to shop can give you a leg up. For the younger set, it’s all about the magical triumvirate—Sandro, Iro, Maje—mixed with pieces from A.P.C. and “It”-designers Isabel Marant and Vanessa Bruno. If you can swing it, take a trip down Avenue Montaigne for some big-ticket items from Chanel, Chloe and Barbara Bui. Your shopping motto should be je ne regrette rien (“I regret nothing”); after all, these are not purchases— they’re investments—and they are your inalienable right. Round out your wardrobe with non-investments from Zara and H&M. Bonus points for vintage items culled from your elegant grandmother’s closet. And if you’re not lucky enough to inherit good taste, fake it by scoring vintage pieces at various depots ventes (consignment stores) around the city.
*Note: These are sweeping generalizations best taken with a large grain of salt (or better yet, fleur de sel).
While living in Paris, I must admit: I didn’t follow a lot of my own advice. As a makeshift Parisienne, you must pick your battles. #10 was no problem, #6 I could manage (usually), #7 didn’t work out, #2 forget it. In retrospect, #2 is a complete Catch-22. How can you live in Paris without smiling? Through my foreign lens, nearly everything is laugh-inducing; I am constantly giving myself away.
Related Links:
- HipParis contributor Badaude’s musings on the Artsy French Woman
- Paris Breakfasts on French Women Don’t Sleep Alone
- Stuff Parisians Life: Foreign Girls (there’s still hope!)
Written by Tory Hoen, for the HiP Paris Blog. Looking for a fabulous vacation rental in Paris, Provence, or Tuscany? Check out Haven in Paris.
A few words about our featured photographers: Janelle Mentesana was born and raised in Australia. She lives and works in Paris as an illustrator, and she enjoys taking pictures of people outside her window with baguettes in their hands. Lisa Weatherbee is a New York based photographer and designer, currently eating and shooting her way through Paris. Dave Bloom is a tepid consultant and aspiring expatriate; born in the Midwest and working his way east via D.C., he is hoping to join Paris for grad school shortly.
WRITTEN BY
Tory Hoen
Tory Henwood Hoen has been published by New York Magazine, Vogue, Condé Nast Traveler, Bon Appétit, Fortune, and others. She was Creative Director of Brand at M.M.LaFleur, where she founded the brand’s digital magazine, The M Dash. Her debut novel, The Arc, is available in bookshops near you and online.
I believe that France is one of the countries where the frequent smiling is considered to be the sign of idiocy 😉 In Russia it supposedly is a sign of insincerity.
In general, I think Americans come across as too familiar, we would say we are “outgoing” or “sociable”. They think we are too quick to make “friends” and don’t know what a real friend is.
One habit we have that I am sure is shocking is our habit of talking about very intimate things in a cafe when there is a table of people nearby, as if they weren’t there at all, but can hear every word we say. Like the British upper class treats its servants. 😉
Like the post, but why the hell would I want to be a Parisienne? I’m proud of my nationality, heritage and most of all, my differences. Bien sur, mettre un grain de sel (take it with a grain of salt). I live here now but never want to become Parisienne nor does my dog Henry!:). My $.02
i just like this!
Fun post! There is a wonderful theatricality to Parisians. For sure there’s a lot of superficiality but while their “jeux” is quite different from that found in Italy, being in the streets in Paris is as much a performance as in Rome or Milan.
Great post. I’m curious, how do French women feel about tattoos? For or against? It seems out of control here in NA but maybe it’s just me thinking that.
Gosh, what a cliché ! But… true for most part, I must confess. I’m not a parisienne parisienne, more like a suburban one, but I could observe lots and lots of them.
First, I must agree to your point about smoking. Quite true. Quite trendy to drink your coffee at a terasse, a cigarette between your lips.
Clothes are essential. Like really essential. But the first thing to be a parisienne is TO BE Parisienne. I won’t ever be, because I don’t live IN paris – even if I’m located 20 minutes away (for parisians, France = Paris. Surburb = Cows eating the grass. So false I thought my classmates were fooling with me at first ^^). They have some codes you see. Like places, rituals… etc etc. Living habbits.
Next, moving : metro is your first way to travel. Taxi – well not much. Except the night. Lastly, the car – and that’s an open subject, because Paris has different rules from others cities in the world concerning the traffic ^^. I don’t know about the velib’. New trend, surely, but will it last? Bus is half-has been.
The must, know very well le Marais, St Michel, St Louis, la butte Monmartre…
And concerning your way of seing parisiennes’ hair, well, brown is the most seen, but only because that’s the most common. Having blond hair isn’t a “problem” ^^ Well, that’s right, it is more rare, but that a big plus ! 😉
But, yet again, the vision is a little bit of a cliché. Confidence, yes, but that’s only a facade. Moreover, you’re only speaking about the rich parisiennes.
For New York, that’s true, but for the “fashion victim” type only. The parisienne is before everything else someone who loves Paris. They can depict how their city is the best the world has ever known of during hours =) Oh and they love talk about themselves, their lifes, their loves. I think that’s a characteristic of the parisien – men and girl – if we continue to be in the cliché – is that they are too much self-centered. Honestly. If you want to speak about yourself, you must stop the other from telling his story, speak more loud than your friends, try everytime to get to your point. Being a Parisien is a question of challenge, always trying to prove yourself to the society, to your pairs, trying your are someone worth knowing, worth kissing, worth loving.
I find this blog funny, as a nearly parisienne, I can’t help but think that it show kind of a french dream. I’m french, living near Paris, but I don’t like this city. I don’t deny it is beautiful – for some parts only – a treasure of culture, a treasure of history, but there are too much people, sound pollution, the air is just so stiffing, and I hate its sky. Seriously, I hate it. It’s like there is none at all. Only a unique color, grey, grey, or an unbereable blue when it’s hot.
Anyway. Thanks for your analyse. Despite the cliché side if it, it’s quite accurate ;)Especially the not rest single. But the thing : “look sober even when you’re not”… well, looking drunk isn’t a problem. It’s being ridicule while being drunk, throwing up, that sort of things that are better not done =) And when it is, or your friends are not your friend and laugh at you behind your back, or they are and they kindly forget the embarassing event =)
I loved this post !! 🙂 However, #1 should be the smoking. It is utterly frightening for me to see how many people smoke on the streets! I’ve been here for 2 weeks and it’s hard to breath here!!!
After living in Paris, this article is right on and cracked me up. I also never had a chance with number 2. How can you not smile and laugh in Paris?
If you haven’t seen it, I recommend the one-man play “How to Become a Parisian in One Hour” that is playing in the Bastille. It is absolutely hilarious and light heartedly makes fun of both cultures. Both Americans and Parisians were rolling in their seats. Here’s a link:
http://www.oliviergiraud.com/UK/
I am not giving up my red hair for anyone, not even for Paris. Fake brown hair just looks fake. And anyway, the most chic Parisians always have the perfect tan and natural red hair, in my(completely unbiased) opinion.
c’est très funny, I love it!
Ha ha ha I know I’m a little late in commenting on this but oh my goodness it’s brilliant! I will be in Paris in a few weeks (my first time in 5 years) and it is a nice reminder of what to expect while I’m there. I live in New Zealand where everybody is super casual, very friendly, are crazy about food, rather more ‘healthy’ looking than thin and the more drunk you appear here the better… ah yes I can’t wait for a more refined Paris again!
Absolutely! Love this article! Last time in Paris, these were all the things I just loved, more than the sights. Going back shortly and looking forward to all that chic-ness…faint!
Excellent, excellent, sooooooooooo good!
In fact, it’s so absolutely true that I shall now forward the link to my ultimate Parisian girl friend…
And funnily, I spoke to her, her husband and to my husband about smiling only about a week ago: We stated that the true Parisian hardly ever smiles and if she/he does, he/she combines it often with that vacant look just 5cm next to you (your points 2 & 3). The fab photo proofs all points from 1-4 & 7…. I am not only smiling, I am grinning widely! 🙂
Oh sorry, just outed myself as being not a Parisian, szut alors!
sup, Im traveling from ATL to LA and checking this blog on my blackberry and its coming out sorta crazy so Im leaving a comment so I can come back and continue to view it when i get off the plane.
im digging this post. I’ve been looking the internet for more info related to this. much appreciated!