Not Into Valentine’s Day? Here’s What to Do Instead

Valentine’s Day is problematic. 

Originally, it was the day a third-century priest was beheaded. Horrible, but history is often horrible. Today, February 14 is even worse. Un véritable cauchemar. These days, the more dominant person of the couple has to orchestrate a unique and memorable evening which both commemorates and defines a relationship, as well as predicts its longevity. That’s too much pressure. 

I’ve had several Valentine’s Days in France, and, let me tell you, they were all disappointing. When I wasn’t coupled, I was consumed with self-pity, falling prey to all the marketing–the lovely florist windows, the adorable chocolate displays, the ads from dating apps that said ne soyez pas seul ce jour de la saint valentin. When I was coupled, the guys either loudly proclaimed their anti-capitalist, anti-consumerist sentiments by avoiding the day completely, or went way overboard and overwhelmed me with more food, gifts, and affection than they had ever shown me before. They couldn’t win. I couldn’t win.

(By the way, if you’re in a unicorn of a relationship where your chéri.e treats you lovingly every day and says, hey you wanna go out for some steak frites and toast each other for Valentine’s Day? then I rejoice for you and give you my blessing. That’s just a few of us, though.)

For the rest of us, with our love lives and our baggage and our hopes and dreams, it’s complicated. 

Here’s what I recommend. 

There’s love, and there are the trappings of love. Let’s leave love out of this for the time being–that takes more work than we’ve got time for. Let’s just do some trappings. That’s all V Day really is. So get your bff, or a few of them, or just fly solo, and swan about Paris with my suggestions. No lover required.

Buy yourself a treat 

Take yourself shopping. What have you been needing that you haven’t bought yourself? Shoes? A new white blouse to replace the one you spilled spaghetti sauce on? That book your friend said you’d love? The Abbey Bookshop is one of my favorite English bookstores in Paris. Git it.

If you really want to gratify some carnal desires, go to my favorite sex shop, Passage du Desir. It is tasteful and cute, and the clerks will listen to your awkward blatherings and show you a stunning variety of high-quality, user-friendly toys. You’ll leave with a discreet bag of fun. Santé!

Browse the apps

If you’re still looking for some touch, you know what to do. Find the best French dating apps! That’s where they keep the people looking for people. Pick your pleasure, but remember–all romances start with a first date. Don’t put too much pressure on that first encounter. You’re in charge. 

Am I a grouch for not upholding the modern values of Valentine’s Day? Maybe, but this isn’t my first rodeo. Love isn’t locks on a bridge (please stop, the weight is killing our bridges), or the perfect dinner, or diamonds, or roses. Love is something you already have, with your family and friends and community. Celebrate the love you’ve got on February 14, and let the rest of the universe unfold as it should.